A GLIMPSE INTO GLENBEIGHS DODGY PAST

The lawless Glenbeigh of the 1890s was given a new light today due to the discovery of a 100 year old photograph of the imfamous Darky Gang. Locals showed both surprise and shock at the uncanny resemblence of the renouned bastard outlaws to a certain modern day gang 'The Eggs'. Eggs spokeswoman Bridge Diggin refused to comment due to her being blind drunk and unconscious when questioned.

EGGS - STAND TO ATTENTION

It's been many years now since a group of eggs stood to attention in Killorglin to honour the flag of our motherland. Please now bow your heads in respect for all those who gave their lives in the name of Statoil. For every man, woman and child who has filled a tank of petrol/diesel, for every poor young lad who in the dark dreary winter mornings hands out petrol vouchers for cereal bowls. We will never forget you.

RESERVIOR EGGS

CALVIN KLEIN MODELS ON TOUR

Oh yes, the beaches of California may be attractive for most male models but for this select few drinking pints at the Killarney Heights hotel will do just as well thank you very much. Taking a break from shooting are (from left) Sean ' hung like a horse' Griffin, Richard ' babe magnet' O Connor, John ' Brad Pitt' Egg, Graham ' Altar boy' Clifford (with daughter Molly Monster)' , Pat 'hot stuff' Healy and Stephen ' Sex on legs' O Shea.

TOWERS TARGETED AS AL QUEDA HEADQUARTERS

The Towers Hotel, Glenbeigh has been suspested as being part of a terrorist network it has been revealed. The story carried by a local man, GRAHAM CLIFFORD, working for the BBC emmerged yesterday.

It has been noted that several men were seen huddled in a corner on numerous occasions discussing subjects such as 'mass' and 'destruction'.

Although this sent shock waves through the community, Mr Clifford has revealed that there is nothing to worry about. the men were actually discussing the previous evenings sermon carried by Fr. O' Sullivan and the Destruction of the local football team by their closest rivals Cromane.

A spokesman for the village, Jim Diggin, said, 'aye ya, we're all, aye ya, very happy to put Gelnbeigh back on the aye ya map'.

Mr Clifford, a native of the popular village, refused to comment.

Do any of ye want condoms?

Hi lads,

I won a durex competition and they are sending me 20,000 condoms. As I can't come I dont need them so was wondering if they would be of any use to ye. If so let me know and I can post them to you.
Kind regards
Ronan Keating

Good one egg!

Unfortunately Ive no room either! Post it to Denis the Guinness.
Got any Heineken?

Johnny Hates Jackery

FREE PORTER

Hi Lads,

I won a voucher for a keg of guinness but have no where to put it. I contacted Diageo and they said I can change the name of the recipient and the keg can be sent anywhere in the world including Ireland and America. So the next person to post something on this blogsite gets it. Hurry!

Graham Egg

Monkey Takes over Morgan Sheahans business

Morgan sheahan has new competition in th evilage of Glenbeigh as a new construction business is taking over. Bulb-blew Contruction Ltd was set up by Peter the monkey (pictured) 10 years ago and has been steadily building ever since. Rumours that Peter has been paying his workmen peanuts are unfounded.

Johnnaton Jerimiah By Gollies.

yes its true. there is another planet next to pluto. No No its a mistake. its a socor ball that came from the asdee socor pitch.
And thats the foot print of one mike riordan otherwise known as d---y mike.
what a miss
DS

Famous faces rush to buy Morgan apartments

Residents of the quaint seaside village of Glenbeigh couldn't believe their eyes this morning when a line of celbrities rushed to buy new apartments built by local constructer Morgan 'Ted' Sheahen.

The 2 and 3 bedromm pads overlooking Breens chipper sold for a cool 1.7 million euro each despite having no windows.

Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe was first in the door at the hastly organised stall in Brennan's craft shop.

Other succesful bidders included David Hasslehoff, Bosco, Jesus Christ and Steve Irwin lookalike Steve Irwin.

Local chancer Tony Clifford sold copies of his new album 'Why I love all' to passers by who confused him for Chris de Burgh.

Death Notices

Remains of the late Eggs Blog will be removed this evening to glenbeigh church.
Bring your boots.

Fr. Smelly.

Saucepans

Look at them sitting by the sink unclean
like Paddy Darky returning from a hard days work in Shneem
I wish I could get up and wash those pots
But my penis is still stuck in Naomi Watts

"Oh Peader where are you, I need you now"
screamed Patsy McDans favourite cow
as they stunned it and hung it and sliced it and diced it
and Jim Diggin ate it in Buntys slough

Now along came Timmy Tucker with a slice of Killorglin
He tried to open up a Beanbag factory and sell it to morgan
But twas all in vein for this man from the village
so he went to caherciveen for some rape and pillage.

Johnny Hates Jazz.

Glenbeigh man transforms into dragon in local

Locals in glenbeigh were shocked on saturday night when local man Brian Ted transformed into some sort of dragon type creature. .The footage above was shot by acclaimed Reuters camera man Jack the Rat. "Jesus Chrisht we havent seen nutin like dis since cowboys public display of affection with that Yeti ha?" screamed widely loved local Brian Looney. Local parish priest Father Idontknowhisname has denied rumours that Brian Ted will be employed as a bunsen burner in scientific experiments to be carried out on gene macs left testicle. Bring your boots & refreshments will be provided in the community centre post haste.

Jegg reporting for Radio na Latvia.
(ignoring the fact that I managed to provide video footage in a radio report)

who would you rather shag?

Andra Corr or Dana?
Nicole Kidman or Mary Harney?
Ricki Lake or Britney spears?
Tina Turner or Kate Winslett?
Puff daddy or puff mummy?

Hope it fuckin kills you - you murdering bastard

Yes Ireland attempted to assasinate American President George Bush last week by giving him a rare bunch of poisionous shamrock. Irish diplomats were heard say at the presentation " ha ha he's in for it now" and " Id love to shag Donald Rumsfeld.". Bush a murderous insane monkey like creature arrived at the presentation without any trousers forgetting to put them on on before leaving the oval office. American advisors to the President meet daily to explain the concept of the oval shape to the President but now just call it "the round office" for the sake of simplicity.

Protestors say no to american move

The quaint seaside village of Glenbeigh was at the centre of a politicial storm this week over plans to move the entire village as well as parts of Glencar to New York.

Over 8 million residents from the ' Glenbeigh againts yanks (GAY) group stormed the local Post office.

Manager Tony Mac was tied up for three hours while members of the group sang songs such as 'no to Willy Wonka whitewash' and U2's 'Where the streets have no name'.

A shell shcoked Tony said " Do you want a stamp?' while his American wife Pat took off in a hot air balloon and was last seen on the outskirts of Tubbercurry.

Spokesman for GAY Peader O Sullivan said " People around here like Ireland. We've always felt a close tie with Ireland but not so much Iceland. Sure its pretty and white with geezers and polar bears but do they have bands like West Life and the Corrs? do they hell."

A picture of local politician Jackie Healy Rae was burned by the mob while eggs were thrown at Falveys caravan park. Owner john Falvey refused to comment except for saying " does anyone want an omlette?"

GAY Chairman Stephen Cabbage is expected to address the crowd later today in the village center. Music provided by the Valentia pipe band. Bring boots.

Graham Egg, Sky News, Glenbeigh




POETRY CORNER WITH SEAN EGG!



Wednesday, March 7, 2007
On the Road from Killorglin to Caherciveen
On the road from Killorglin to Caherciveen by Dennis Martin McCarthy (composed by Jim Diggin.)

As i stepped out from francey sheahans one morning so fair,
i bumped into maureen darky and her locks of red hair,
she broke into verse with a thrust of her chest,
and shattered the windows of paddy brennans passing herse.

and now we go westward to a place called caragh lake,
where ferghal O' Brien pumps his iron all day,
kerry's bog village is a place to behold,
while a drunk cookoo tries to find his way home.

and now we're in Glenbeigh the loveliest of them all,
with all of its characters lined up to entrall,
from the gour, johnny mahony to waxy and peadar,
and brendan sweeney thrown to add a bit of swagger.

the towers on a saturday is like milltown mart,
with all the local farmers leaving off a couple of farts,
from drinking bad guinness and eating in breens,
tis a wonder we all have any spleens.

so to all a farewell and with this i do leave,
for what else do i say only 'up ballycleave',
for if Glenbeigh is now a part of the USA,
then fuck it John Egg, you must be Gay.

Bbbbblllllllaaaaaaaaattttttttttttttt

Sean Egg

Posted by Pete (bigfoot) Din Dan at 10:41 PM 0 comments

Cathal egg

Fair dues to Cathal but I thought that was a decent song. Freddie should be up for a bafta nomination in my opinion. Did he really run someone over? graham egg

Cathal egg

Fair dues to Cathal but I thought that was a decent song. Freddie should be up for a bafta nomination in my opinion. Did he really run someone over?

Recognise the shopkeeper in this film?

Watch with sound on!

Bbbbllllaattt

sorry egg,

shuzzzz

Yikes, havent we become all special and shit with this blog. someone was really bored at work one day i see. Graham looks like i will be making your wedding after all, sorry about that. Do we really have to give to oxfam or can we just donate directly to mike. where and when is your stag?. John i got tickets for the waterboys but i didnt get yee any, you can get them on the website any hew. Mike your not allowed go. We've all agreed on that. Why sean do you have a seperate blog page?. Had sean mc into to the hotel the other day, hes a evil bastard, even the kids here could sense it. Dinny rasher hows the family thing going for you these days?. later losers. The sacred one.

Glenbeigh heads off for the States

Glenbeigh this morning set off for New York after an invitation to join the United States by G.W. Bush. The invite was sent to Jimmy Michaeleen 20 years ago, (despite bush not being president at the time) but laid in his bedside locker along with his collection of 'Buns n Guns monthly' mags. Denis Martin provided tea and sandwiches as all the locals joined in for the big push. Sean ted got things off to a flying start by digging a rather big drain all around the glenbeigh border. Then it was over to Pete McDan and his tractor to wedge it all free. We wish them all well on their journey. Refreshments will be provided in the community centre afterwards.

memories

memories of john egg and denis. london nite club, just after buying turf instead of dope. denis asleep an being fucked out by bouncer with john egg in close proximity trying his best to look respectible while in a head lock. Then the trouble and destruction kicks off outside as john attacks any inadimate objects that get in his way. motor bikes, dust bins, bar windows but no people. denis is still asleep on the footpath. later in the week mocky goes nuts with a hammer and trowl in kilburn. oh those were the dayz.
Graham egg: the cat/locker incident was a classic. cant beat it. John, dont remember the fire extinguser nite with denis?. elabourate please. pat.

Leper Frog thwarting Comp

The annual festivities of frog thwarting (est. 1897 by John Fitgeraldinio Feltbuttox) will take place in the CYMS Killorglin. Please bring your own Johnny Jackery wigs and wait at the front door for further instructions. Watermellons.

belgium waffles

Are we really alive. Was it really worth it. All those "istigh agus follim ea". i'm leading a personal war against Breeeeeda se for not serving me when i was locked back in 95. i also want to fix jims (the barman who used to work in the towers)leg. it took him forever to get the remote to change the channel when glenroe came on.

send a text when ye get a chance (914) 882-0756
denis

Memories

My top memory of each egg

- John Egg - now this is second hand as I wasn't there and I think it was Steven cabbage who told me. Basically it was when John brought a girl out to a posh Dublin restaurant to impress her. The legend goes he got the bill when she was in the toilet. Steven texted him to see how the hot first date was going, John replied texting something like ' £110 for the meal, I'd want fuckin anal for that!" - John made one major mistake though - he sent the text to the girl by accident!

- Mike Egg - Has to be one from school though Im spoilt for choice! Our Business org teacher Fat Connie was plauged by Mike. I remember he'd ask a question and when she wouldn't reply with an answer he's pretend to get very upset asking over and over and over " Please miss answer me, why wont you answer me!"

Remaining memories to come - now post your own you feckers!

Graham Egg

Continued...

- Graham Egg - Has to be Shanahan walking up to the third floor to find graham lying flat on the floor with his head stuck in a locker. Queue us all walking away whistling with our hands in pockets and graham totally unaware of the Cat while doing a racing commentary!

- Denis/Pat - A fire extinguisher in a London bar. Nuff said.

J Egg

Hungarian fried bandaids

FROGSPAWN

Hi lads,

Have a look at this classic -

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uhh89RVs3ps

Graham egg

Glenbeigh Eurovision Entry (hit the play button)

My latest Book by Henry

"Oh Mr Hamster, please buy me some slippers" cried Eric the Ostrich spotter as he plummeted to his death off a block of Ice cream. All those who wish to have their toenail clippings recycled will have to undergo stringent tests to see if they if in anyway resemble Denis Martins world renowned Bramberry and Underpants pie. I shall now proceed to Old Mother Hubbards kitchen emporium and complain about the squirrels.

Point of information

Regardles of team names, squad or bus driver at the time, there would be no Soccer in Glenbeigh today if it were not for John Egg Sheahan. Fact.




Here is a picture of a sparrow.

Anonymous.

Actually we were called Glen Rovers and not Behy Rovers. John Egg was the first ball boy to go on strike.
Staring eleven against Asdee in replay was as follows:

Goals: Pat Healy(missed peno)

Back four: Sean Griffin, Denis Sheahen,Graham Clifford , Gene Riordan(missed peno)

Midfield: Anthony Reen, Stephen Shea, Mike Riordan(unlucky to miss peno), James Mockey

Striker: Richard Connor,John Michael

Subs: Absolutely no-one.

Bus Driver - Tony Clifford.


Mike "glorious Midfielder"

oh and another thing.....

Dare I say it but did Kevin Murphy play as well?

Whoops

Did John Michael play?

Behy rovers my arse

I would like to point out that when we played Asdee we were called Glenross Athletic and not Behy Rovers. Also we were the first ever side to represent Glenbeigh in soccer - a fact no one in Glenbeigh seems to remember. Therefore Denis Sheahen was the first captain of a soccer team to come out of the area. oh yes and John Sheahen was the first ever supporter of a Glenbeigh side...for all the good he was!!!!
Staring eleven against asdee in replay (correct me if Im wrong)

Goals: Pat Healy

Back four: Graham Clifford, Denis Sheahen, Sean Griffin, Geane Riordan

Midfield: Richard Connor, Stephen Shea, Brian Healy (??), Mike Riordan, Mike Miller (??)

Striker: Anthony Reen


Not sure about the midfield, did Brian Healy and Mike Miller play?

Asdee honour hero

Asdee Rovers have honoured one of their all-time heroes Michael 'no pressure Mike' Riordan by erecting (Ew, love that word) a huge statue of the legend right behind the goals. These goalposts were made famous that day by Mike's Clark Kent like shot over the crossbar which has been recently spotted by NASA scientists viewing Pluto.

The irony is that Riordan has never played for Asdee. That fateful day he was playing for the unfortunate Behy Rovers who had brought along only one supporter by the name of John Sheahan, a man who wouldnt know a soccer ball if it fell out his nostril whilst plucking his anus hairs. It is believed Sheahan is to recieve a medal from Behy Rover (presumably in retaliation) for refusing to get the ball from a bunch of nettles for one of the asdee players who later suffered testicle burns as a result.

Be careful boys

Hi Lads. It might be best to limit the references to specific people and things they get up to as anybody could access this blog once they have the address. Taking the piss out of ourselves is obviously fine but others may not share the humour if they read it and it was about them - I'm sure you know what Im referring to! Im suprised the game against Asdee hasn't generated more postings - the day Mike Riordan fecked up what surely would have been a Championship winning side. That ball is still travelling skyward!

Please no more Mur Pe stuff.

Day 1227.It's giving me a rash and my dog has'nt come home yet. I'm really worried.I think mauro silva has eated him or hidden him in a sod of turf. Day 1288, prision life is ok, at least i have my brother tomma is here too, that way at least i'm keeping any disease i get in the family. Tom has a rather nice arse. Got a letter the other from my good friend john sheehan the other day, couldnt read it as it was smeared in shit, but its the thought that counts. I like john, at least he knows that it was really dominic with a plunger that did it, not me. Day 1229, Bathed tommma today, had no soap and think i went a bit hard on him this morning. Last time i did it like that he didnt shit right for a week. He used my custard to cool it down after. I wasnt very hungry anyway.

maureen darky

as father kelly said "in spite of dungon fire and sorwd". there is a meeting of the stay inside and learn it association with james sullivan and him wife bosco at the goat in killorglin.Lately it has been said that crazy people linning up to go inside start singing "god is dead and no ones cares, if there is a hell i'll see you there".
so be warned the rest of you parnip

Saucepan for sale

All offers for this vital dentistry component which is reputed to have been pissed in by Brian Looney to be forwarded to someone who may or may not be related to a purple antelope salesman.All of a sudden,there was a short silence, followed by another,even longer one.The mystery of the Coomasaharn gnome wrestling championship has yet to be resolved.Surely, compost heaps have a right to have to collect stamps.

Saucepan for sale

All offers for this vital dentistry component which is reputed to have been pissed in by Brian Looney to be forwarded to someone who may or may not be related to a purple antelope salesman.All of a sudden,there was a short silence, followed by another,even longer one.The mystery of the Coomasaharn gnome wrestling championship has yet to be resolved.Surely, compost heaps have a right to have to collect stamps.

Saucepan for sale

All offers for this vital dentistry component which is reputed to have been pissed in by Brian Looney to be forwarded to someone who may or may not be related to a purple antelope salesman.All of a sudden,there was a short silence, followed by another,even longer one.The mystery of the Coomasaharn gnome wrestling championship has yet to be resolved.Surely, compost heaps have a right to have to collect stamps.

Saucepan for sale

Saucepan for sale. Possibly used by Christ when he appearred to Maurenn Guerin last November.Also possibly used by Brian Looney.Please forward applications to someone who may or may not be related to a purple antelope salesman.All of a sudden there was a short silence,followed by another,longer one.
Mike Egg

FALCON INN TO REOPEN

Eight years after the doors of the Falcon Inn were shut to the public, new proprietor Rex, (pictured) is proud to reopen the once popular hotel, restaurant, public bar, and pubic hair for the benefit of the people of Glenbeigh and the odd Twix bar.

Speaking at the opening Rex said that it was a great "Woof, woof, woof" and that ever since he came to Glenbeigh he believed "woof, woof, woof, woof".

The Falcon will be officially opened to the public this Saturday the fiftheeth. No dogs allowed. Bitches welcome.

Butris Butris Bush reporting from somewhere under the sea.

Glenbeigh Nuke a Success

Local Schoolchildren are being blamed for the recent nuclear explosion on Rossbeigh strand. "Ah shur fuckit, tis only the young lads havin the craic shur ha?" said local dunce Peter Moriarty. General Tom Coonan said a bomb was takin from his stables on saturday while he made love to his favourite horse. Coonan has promised further tests to be carried out in Michael Cahills fridge, possibly last month. Refreshments will be provided after the detonation. Bring your boots.

We'll leave it there so

Yes Bill, yes we will leave it there you parsnip!

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN?

Richard Connor was last seen on the final day of school term 1995 in the picturesque town of Killorglin in County Kerry. He was wearing a grey jumper, grey trousers, white shirt, mustard coloured underpants and a red and white tie. Since then the elusive Richard has gone to ground in Osama Bin Laden fashion. If you have seen or him or know anybody who has please contact Joe Dolan detective services on 01 01 01 01 01 or log onto the website upthepuckwithhistailup.com

Grey ham eggggggggg

I would like to extend my most heartfelt contrifibularities

shoes

This lasted long!

Where are ye all ye useless droum bastards? Shawn and Brendan, theres this new invention out called a computer or PC and on this invention you can communicate all over the planet in miliseconds by just typing some text into the rectangular thing by your hands covered in letters and numbers called a 'keyboard'. This information is then sent out over the 'internet' or 'tinternet' and can be viewed on the TV type thing we call a monitor. Denis did you do Clare Moriarty up the botty?

John Barton.

is everybody dead

text (914) 882-0756
E mail goldenwoodfloors@goldenwoodfloors.com
please no porne only mary liz ass

ds

Shkin up egg!

make soup egg

i'm still waiting for john egg to buy me a drink and not ask me to buy him one back.
I d'ont care where you go pat just d'ont do cart wheels at the airport.
i want to go to your weeding graham to meet shane mcGowen.
dopey mike your a class soccer player.
Brendan tell me a story egg.
richard and nine inch nails.
sean(shaun)no comment.
i also hate asdee rovers,and you lost that game for us mike.thats the reason your not playing in the premiership.
fuck the soccer said jimmy.

ds

What shite are we on about?

Man buys hat

Today on a tour of Asia, a man purchased a hat. It was nice, one of those baseball type ones you see Americans wearing.




It is believed said hat was beige in colour and costed aproximately 3 euro (3.88 USD).

Danger on Rossbeigh Strand - Man eating tennis shoe still loose

The Michael Morris Tribunal disintegrated into chaos today when Peter " The Gimp" Moriarty refused to answer anything except "No dog,no freezer" to the questions he was being asked by barrister Brendan Sweeney. Chief Counsel for the State, Nellie Roche,continued with the questioning of the witness after Sweeney mysteriously started shouting "Hi,hi,hi" and then proceeded to bend Ann over the Judges table and began buggering her furiously.On cross examination Moriarty told the court that he had "laid 800 blocks before the breakfast" and then,surprisingly laid 7 duck eggs without removing his trousers.When asked if he knew who shot JFK he replied " P.T and John Paul".The witness's testimony was discarded on account of the witness having admitted to having consumed "20 pints and 40 fags".
Other news from todays court saw Dominic Lynch beat Christy Cush 21-13,21-7.

A bubble on a wave on an ocean - Nurse Murphy

Doul e-mail address is mriordan25@gmail.com, or, just to be an awkward git, mriordan25@eircom.net. Sean is gay. Cabbage is a vegetable.Pat is something you do to a dog.
John is some sort of contraprtion for fettering geese. Graham is grey ham, quite a delicacy if eaten sideways whilst singing "Hail to the busdriver" in and simultaneously attaching a Methodist preacher to Peggy Mahony's yellow apron.My weasels are now fuLly grown. Please onion-man, enclose Brian Gannon's toenail clippings.
Pat:Tim Flowers is looking for you

Send me some silly emails.
His Royal Mickellness

Idiot on Moon

Cowboy plants Glenbeigh GAA flag on the moon surface.

Glenbeigh has made history after landing the first Irish man on the moon. Village fool Mike Cowboy was blasted into space using a washing machine, side of marmalade and an egg timer purchased in Woods' Electrical store Killorglin. Chief NASA Cus na Habhainn engineer Padraig Horan was ecstatic as he descibed the event. "We knew something like this would happen" he said to a yet again bemused group of International journalists. Cowboy had no idea where he was being sent until the last few seconds before landing. "But..ahhhhh..I..ahh...thought I was going...Chips in town...Do you like wombats?" was Cowboys first transmission via satellite from the moons surface. "Those idiotic words will go down in history" claimed recently deceased ex parish priest Father Kelly.

J.Egg reporting from a dustbin outside Peaders Pub, Kuala Lumpa.

Player profile's. Please copy and give to a friend.

Hi, my name is TRISTAN(AKA,colleen sweet wrapper guy). I'm a 28 year old male and i live in a house. I Have black hair but my pubic hair turn's orange sometimes in the clear light of day. Left back. I was once a horse on the hit tv show( My little pony, RED RAW and CUDDLY). I like nose clippings too. I once used john pauls tea strainer. My interest's are very interesting. Terry phelan is my dogs favourite player, hes called dieter and he's 3, furry and likes pogo. I want 2 slices of toast mom. My favourite things smell like porridge, Uno Stacco, NA-PALM etc. Oh yea, i have a huge cock. I sometimes eat blue crayons.

If you would like to chat or meet up with any of our clients, all you have to do is ring (1850 STUDDED ANAL FRIENDS 4400), ring DEJMA NOW!!!! for a fun time.



OK LADS, GRAHAM I'M OFF IN JUNE SO YOUR WEDDING DATE IS A BAD DECISION ME THINKS. MAN PUT IT OFF FOR A YEAR OR 2 ,WE WONT THINK YOUR ANY LESSER MAN FOR IT. FUCKEDY FUCK FUCK INNIT. Me number is 0863102269 and i'm in blarney somewhere. Deffo metting this tristan guy tho, IF JOHN DOES'NT BEAT ME TO HIM.

Here, Here!

Good point egg, ye all have my contact details anyway whether ye like it or not.
Definitely on for reunion for dowl wedding day egg, we'll tear Glenbeigh a new arsehole(it needs one since Kevin Murphy left). Ill bring the cheese graters. We'll have to smuggle Denis over in a coffin or summit.

Contact details

What with buddhists, jehovas, neil diamond albums, wooden legs, badgers, shoes, tall people, fat John Easter eggs, indonesian perfume, colleen sweet wrapers, Kevin Murphys childcare lessons (classic egg!), etc. I think it would be useful if we actually made use of this blogsite by posting our contact information. I havent spoken to Denis egg since Kerry won their first All-Ireland, as far as I know Sean is now spelling his name Shaun!! and Pat healy is moving to mauri country! My e-mail is grayclifford@hotmail.com, address is 18 Acton Lane, Chiswick, London W4 5ed, U.K.
Now the rest of ye follow suit! Also what about an egg reunion on August 25th? my wedding day! Graham egg

Glenbeigh Buddhist Draws Thousands

A mysterious floating Buddhist from 'somewhere up de mountains like' has appeared on the Killorglin road just past Caragh Bridge. Thousands of pilgrims from Glenbeigh and Killorglin areas have flocked to see this amazing spectacle (they dont appear in the photo as the under 21s game was on at the time the picture was taken). It is believed the man is an ex-cheese merchant and inventor of The Toenail Stretcher® who also recently wrote the Nobel Prize winning book "Exclamation marks and their use in the fight against communism in Ancient Curaheen".

- John Sheahan, Gay Times.

Jehova witnesses to take part in Glenbeigh's St. Patrick's day festival

There was outrage in a Mid Kerry Village this week after Jehova Witnesses said they intended to lead the St. Patrick's day parade for 2007. Speaking on behalf of the god squad Mike Cunt said ' sorry Im having a bath, can ye ring back later'. Locals in the seaside village of Glenbeigh - famous for their arts of prejudgement and gossip - said ' I hope he drowns in the bath but that he cleans behind his ears first.' A spokeman for God (pictured) said St. Patrick doesn't mind. St. Brigid refused to comment on the parade itself but said sales of her famous cross will be discontinued in Pats craft shop, Kells.
Graham Clifford - Sky News - The Towers

Buttock Soup

Glenbeigh Chronicle 18 Jan 07 - Music & Literature Section
Sean Mac's recently published 1000 uses for the combine harvester has received widespread criticism after it was discovered that there were only 100 uses but each one was written out ten times.The criticism comes at a bad time for the authors in the locality after Peter Moriarty's recently released novel "The art of Buggery" and Mike Abbo's autobiography "Coping with Life as a Reject" failed to make an impression with readers.

John the Ram's play of the life of Eamon Doona opens on Friday night week in the Parish Hall.Ticket sales have been quite slack as the opening coincides with Kevin Murphys Childcare lessons at the same time.
On a positive note, John Barton's rendition of Beethovens 4th Symphony in E Minor in Peadars last week was hailed as a masterpiece by the visiting dignataries of the Kerry Peoples deaf association.However, it must be noted that everyone else thought it was shite.

"Oh But I will" says Jim Diggin.

At the AGM of the Annual General Meeting Organising Commitee, a resolution was passed to hold a meeting annually. Never before has the village been subject to a series of Norwegian butterfly attacks since the six week catastrophe of 1953 when seven locals( incl Johnny Mahony) were mildly inconvenienced by a swarm of Kentucky Fried chicken cartons.

Responsorial Psalm and your response is: Git sauce and and we ran

Hitler spotted outside Towers

Locals were shocked to see Adolf Hitler alive and well enjoying a pint outside the Towers.
As you can plainly see from the picture, he was literally quite legless.

Phone my earlobes, its time for marmalade (episode 7)

"Gnuknit Blutter" cried Geraldine Hoffman as slowly but surely the annual festivities took hold of the "Giant Ham & Cheese Sandwich Society".Watching from a nearby tin of green isle peas was none other than Gargasofocus Gavin (or Ed as his friends know him).Ping Pong.All of a sudden a matchstick flew into view, temporarily obstructing the recent church throwing championships which was about to unfold.

Out of nowhwere came nothing." I wouldnt go so far as to ask how far i have gone" said peter eliquently before removing his underwear with a violent sudden jerk, much to the confusion of the garda who was issuing him a ticket for reckless "sausage furring".The case continues to continue.

Clifford 'bad influence on Shane' claim friends of McGowan

Caption competition for dick spring lookalikes

Here I am with Shane McGowan - we dated for a while a few years ago before I realised he wasn't red hurley. Please feel free to ridicule me and the toothless one guessing what I was saying to him!

fuck it anyway i'll give it a go

Now hear all nim-rods, yee cant even text or be bothered ringing eachother from time to time. Not mentioning any names there as i dont want to insult graham, sean and denis, but never mind as i dont txt/ring either, so fuck me too as yee might be saying. This blog just might work?. I'm re-locating to new zealand in the month of june, two thousand and seven. I'm envolved in a scientific experiment to fether dodos to lemon bushes in an atempt to save the whales spawning grounds in the lesser antillies(there dutch you know, near enough to the jackeries place). Where the hell is richard connor, i heard a rumour he actually drinks the odd pint now. Mike did your mom buy you those two drinks back yet, sorry had to say it, good night tho. Ok got to go, will try to post up some porn for you john, and later i will tell you the story of the boy would could'nt stop shitting colleen sweet wrappers. 0.5 egg (Pat the gay)

Unusual find on Kerry beach

The quiet Kerry village of Glenbeigh was in complete confusion and a little bit sexually aroused this morning as they awoke to a strange phenomenon on their shoreline. A huge 'Neil Diamonds Greatest Hits' album signed by Micko Toole for some odd reason washed up on Rossbeigh Strand.

Local Nuclear Physicists Patrick Waxy and Michael Burke Droum were intrigued. "We partly guessed something like this would happen" claimed Waxy, much to the surprise of questioning journalists. "Yerah fuck it sure tis all about the shoes you wear mon" Burke added. Denis Martin who has not been seen since the incident was not available for comment...obviously.

-J Egg reporting from Zimbabwe national school.

Missing one Artifical leg

If found please return to L. Collins, Killarney - Previous owners Graham and Denis ( God I'm a bad bastard!) Graham Egg

So much for Indonesian perfume

Hello u noisy bastards. Mickells of the Egg ilk here to take his dose of humble pie from Graham. I would now like to impale myself on Patsy Sykes earlobe. At the end of the last century, the egg was a commomly used tool in the construction of French wicker baskets. More pointless and inane ramblings later

The gawer

hello it is i (forty coats) otherwise knowen as denis(still sober after 25pints of guinness)sheahan lining up at the starlite for chips.Maybe someone stupid will go inside and buy some.
still not a computer mind but alass i"m going to the flats and give waxy a shot in the shoulder.
after that i"m going to the AGA meeting in the falcon with big jim and DONNA BOY

cheers from NYC.

Sheahan doing well after badger incident

Sheahan pictured just before getting fired (again) from Glencar Mustard Inc.

John 'Egg' Sheahan (former Miss Latvia 1997) is said to be in a (Tom Coonaan) stable condition after accidently buggering a badger at the Cus na Habhainn Ballet championships.

This is where very tall people once lived - like Gerry Buckley

A Shoe (gazoontite)

The Fall of the Egg Empire

It all began in the Spring of 1996, post Paidraig Horan's public buggering of course. How's things lads? Another reason to be online and do fuckall work,(not that I ever did a days work in my life, much like Pat) nice one. Three chairs for Graham for setting up this blog (he needs three chairs these days, fat bastard). Jesus Glenbeigh is some hole too, how are we all still alive? - J. egg (we better sign each post, could get confusing!)

How this site can be useful even for idiots like us!

As well as going off on mad rants which I for one intend to do this blogsite will be handy for catching up. So basically it doesnt all have to be the literary equivalent of jumping into hedges. For example: Is John egg still a fat bastard? Graham says he has a child but has anyone actually seen it? Is it true Mike Riordan signed for Galatasaray? Will Sean egg be the next Us President and so on...

Greetings to all Eggs wherever you may be

Well, well, well if its isn't old Gregory Grainneog. How're the eggs? I thought it would be a good idea to set up a blogspot for us eggs since we're all over the shagging place at the moment and hardly get a chance to meet up anymore. I want all you gits to post on here but dont give the passwords etc to just anyone - the whole point is that it's for Glenbeigh eggs only.

Mike Riordan told me it would never work so lets prove the wise one wrong. Sure, its novel, crazy, even a bit wacky but then again when John Egg shagged that badger everyone thought - 'fuck it, why not' - I'll never forget that shagging badger summer of 69.

Anyway get posting gits. I will e-mail you passwords etc.