A GLIMPSE INTO GLENBEIGHS DODGY PAST

The lawless Glenbeigh of the 1890s was given a new light today due to the discovery of a 100 year old photograph of the imfamous Darky Gang. Locals showed both surprise and shock at the uncanny resemblence of the renouned bastard outlaws to a certain modern day gang 'The Eggs'. Eggs spokeswoman Bridge Diggin refused to comment due to her being blind drunk and unconscious when questioned.

EGGS - STAND TO ATTENTION

It's been many years now since a group of eggs stood to attention in Killorglin to honour the flag of our motherland. Please now bow your heads in respect for all those who gave their lives in the name of Statoil. For every man, woman and child who has filled a tank of petrol/diesel, for every poor young lad who in the dark dreary winter mornings hands out petrol vouchers for cereal bowls. We will never forget you.

RESERVIOR EGGS

CALVIN KLEIN MODELS ON TOUR

Oh yes, the beaches of California may be attractive for most male models but for this select few drinking pints at the Killarney Heights hotel will do just as well thank you very much. Taking a break from shooting are (from left) Sean ' hung like a horse' Griffin, Richard ' babe magnet' O Connor, John ' Brad Pitt' Egg, Graham ' Altar boy' Clifford (with daughter Molly Monster)' , Pat 'hot stuff' Healy and Stephen ' Sex on legs' O Shea.

TOWERS TARGETED AS AL QUEDA HEADQUARTERS

The Towers Hotel, Glenbeigh has been suspested as being part of a terrorist network it has been revealed. The story carried by a local man, GRAHAM CLIFFORD, working for the BBC emmerged yesterday.

It has been noted that several men were seen huddled in a corner on numerous occasions discussing subjects such as 'mass' and 'destruction'.

Although this sent shock waves through the community, Mr Clifford has revealed that there is nothing to worry about. the men were actually discussing the previous evenings sermon carried by Fr. O' Sullivan and the Destruction of the local football team by their closest rivals Cromane.

A spokesman for the village, Jim Diggin, said, 'aye ya, we're all, aye ya, very happy to put Gelnbeigh back on the aye ya map'.

Mr Clifford, a native of the popular village, refused to comment.

Do any of ye want condoms?

Hi lads,

I won a durex competition and they are sending me 20,000 condoms. As I can't come I dont need them so was wondering if they would be of any use to ye. If so let me know and I can post them to you.
Kind regards
Ronan Keating

Good one egg!

Unfortunately Ive no room either! Post it to Denis the Guinness.
Got any Heineken?

Johnny Hates Jackery